The man from San Marcos had dreamed of a book. The book was dredged up from the bottom of a lake, untouched, undamaged by the water, in a boat made of bone. Since it had been found, the town had fallen under a curse. The people carried torches and burned each other alive. The man from San Marcos tore a page from the book, used it as a rolling paper, lit a joint and sailed off in the bone boat toward the setting sun. Which, the man from San Marcos said, is precisely what the book told him to do. Curiously, the book was in a language nobody could read. The man said the book spoke to him in audible tones, somewhere between the sound of rustling trees and the voice of his mother, Rest In Peace.
- Nicole Kidman Saves Tarantula
- Jailed Double Murderer Runs for U.S. Senate
- Fields Medal Stolen from Kurdish Mathematician in Rio – “The International Congress of Mathematicians is profoundly sorry about the disappearance of the briefcase belonging to mathematician Caucher Birkar, which contained his Fields Medal from the ceremony this morning,” organizers said in a note.
- Snake Falls Out of Banana Tree, Lands On Man
- Artist Constructing 16-Foot Sandcastle in Manhattan
TURKEY, TURKEY, SIS-BOOM-BA
IT’S A HOSTAGE PARTY IN AN-KA-RA
WE GOT SMACK FROM THE KURDS,
SPEED FROM SYRIA,
PILLS FROM THE PREACHER IN PENNSYLVANIA,
STEAK AND POTATOES, TERRORIST GRAVY,
DRONES FROM THE SKY AND GAYS FROM THE NAVY,
THE NEW KING OF ENGLAND SHE’S A REAL FREAKY LADY,
BUT THIS PARTY AINT A COUP
IF IT AINT GOT YOU
SO COME ON PARTY PEOPLE
AND COUP, COUP, COUP.
- “The Secret Lives of Giants”
- “Illegitimate Kingdoms”
- “The Socrates of San Francisco”
- “Burke and Hare”
- “Fantastic Abandoned Astronaut Pam”
- “Unnatural Tyrants”
- “The Rapture and The Dread”
- The word apotheosis in the first sentence of a column about Mexico’s recent elections.
- The anodyne sound of thunder and rain against the office windows at midday.
- “His grandparents were of Italian descent on his mother’s side, Irish on his father’s.”
- The news, at 2:48 PM, that Trump has a wild hair to invade Venezuela.
- The discovery of a star in Panama.
“A George…divided against itself…cannot stand!” – George Costanza