The Man From San Marcos (more or less a true story from an Uber driver)

The man from San Marcos had dreamed of a book. The book was dredged up from the bottom of a lake, untouched, undamaged by the water, in a boat made of bone. Since it had been found, the town had fallen under a curse. The people carried torches and burned each other alive. The man from San Marcos tore a page from the book, used it as a rolling paper, lit a joint and sailed off in the bone boat toward the setting sun. Which, the man from San Marcos said, is precisely what the book told him to do. Curiously, the book was in a language nobody could read. The man said the book spoke to him in audible tones, somewhere between the sound of rustling trees and the voice of his mother, Rest In Peace.

Headlines, 8.2.18

Seen today:

  1. Nicole Kidman Saves Tarantula
  2. Jailed Double Murderer Runs for U.S. Senate
  3. Fields Medal Stolen from Kurdish Mathematician in Rio –                                          “The International Congress of Mathematicians is profoundly sorry about the disappearance of the briefcase belonging to mathematician Caucher Birkar, which contained his Fields Medal from the ceremony this morning,” organizers said in a note.
  4. Snake Falls Out of Banana Tree, Lands On Man
  5. Artist Constructing 16-Foot Sandcastle in Manhattan

App Ideas, 7.17.18

1. “GotALight” – connects you with people within a half-mile of your GPS location who have lighters – bonus feature: alerts users when cigarette bums are nearby
2. “UnBlock” – writing app that drafts $10 from your checking account if you don’t submit your chosen minimum word count by your chosen deadline
3. “Mumble” – dating app – for people with social anxiety, lisps, speech impediments, conversational hangups, etc – bonus feature: connects users on boring dates with nearby MDMA dealers
6. “Revenge” – exacts revenge on your enemies

Dashes, 7.4.18

  1. The word apotheosis in the first sentence of a column about Mexico’s recent elections.
  2. The anodyne sound of thunder and rain against the office windows at midday.
  3. “His grandparents were of Italian descent on his mother’s side, Irish on his father’s.”
  4. The news, at 2:48 PM, that Trump has a wild hair to invade Venezuela.
  5. The discovery of a star in Panama.